He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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