PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
