those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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