I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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