am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Randomize
