I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Randomize