If i come over, it means nothing
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
