these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
