I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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