I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
