Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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