I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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