Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
