I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
