the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
