Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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