I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
