I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
