It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
