Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
