I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
