meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
