watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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