Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
