you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
