You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
