I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
