Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Randomize
