Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
