Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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