Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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