Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
i think my cat just said my name.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
