im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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