He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
