He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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