i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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