fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
look no pants
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
