i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize