it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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