i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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