Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
