I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
