we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
