So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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