i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
