And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
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