you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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