Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
