thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
