That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
