he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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