I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
