I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
this will be a night to untag.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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