remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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