Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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