Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
