last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
