how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
