I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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