Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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