the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you would pick up someone in the library
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
