new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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