dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize