There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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