I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
