New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
