margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
