I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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