I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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