I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
