Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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